Aj. (the_cheeseman) wrote,

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Razzle freakin' Dazzle.

So this week has been, without a shadow of a doubt, one of the most stressful, emotionally trying times I've ever lived. 

Between school and Kate being off-kilter for various reasons and my dad leaving for 10 weeks and preparing my short stories for the Moraine contest, I am surprised I feel as good as I do.

Though I do wish, however self-absorbed this sounds, that I was mentioned once in a while in there, and maybe as more than my status. I would think that all of this recent blahblahblah with her would at least register a blip, but meh. In a positive sense blip though. rr, I mean, most likely, that is honestly nothing more than me being petty and childish coupled with wicked bad seperation anxiety.

That is, I think seeing Kate all the time has been the most wonderful mixed blessing ever. I mean it makes my Life turn and function and be worthwile, yet her constantly leaving is an endurance trial I never thought I could survive. Like right now, this moment, I reflect back on a pretty damn satisfying evening with her, happy as a sparrow in the springtime, and there is an apple-core of fiery longing in the pit of my stomach. I want more. I need more. 

Summer fast approaches. I've never wanted one so bad in my entire Life. This one will be one for the record books I think. For its Grandness. Mhmm.

I feel like I expressed myself in a way i wouldn't usually allow tonight, and that shadowy part is thankful for it, and all is well.

May is sizing up to be one of the best months ever. Comics=52 ends, Countdown begins, WWIII happens, as well as several books ending/hitting Major turning points. It is really something insane. While Marvel does relatively excite me with some of their new directions, they really do pale in comparison, especially now that Civil War is wrapped and all the sub-par fallouts are coming into being.

Movies= Pirates of Carribean 3. Spider-Man 3. Shrek 3. whoo.

Kate=She fucking comes home. For more than a few days. It will be like a holiday that is skipping on the record player and keeps repeating. MMMMMMMMmmmm.

the new teenage mutant ninja turntles was muy satisfactory. I felt the all-importan nostalgia bug, while it was updated enough to open up the the doors to this whole new fan generation, and still tell a pretty decent story in the process. Way more emotion in parts of that movie than your average kids' fare.

About a week ago, a story that was not premeditated at all fell out of my head, into my fingers, and onto the screen in front of me., It was inspired vaugely by Tori Amos and reflects this. I think it may be the best thing I have ever written. Kate liked it bunches, my mom thought it was very good, and even shannon liked it. General prognosis is I have a decent shot at doing well in this contest. If I win i get money and entered into a contest in NY, and if I do well in that, I get scholarship Opps and publishing chances. It is all blind hope at this point but I am enjoying it. 

I have read all but Neil Gaiman's novels now, and I am convinced that there are lines of pure, raw, magic weaved into the pagers of his words. I feel like the influence of reading him has made me as excited and inspired as I am these days. That and having time to, and pushing myself, and having someone wonderful like Katers to back me up, I've got it made. 

I have a gut feeling about my Future. I think everyone does, to a degree, so bleh, but like, this feels a little different. This "confidence" thing ain't bad.

well. I dopnt write here much more because it really does take away from any creative writing. I am glad the internet in my room is dead. When I used to write here, i wouldnt write for Me. Id be sitting on the same stories for months. Now, with my new leaf, I have almost a dozen short stories done, at least half of them decent in my eye, and have four longer works of unknown length in motion. 

I have never felt like this. Writer. Boyfriend. Son. Changes and twists that have led to better understanding. I just hope they stay positive and I keep the monsters in the back caverns of my skull at bay. 

Hope is their Kryptonite.

So I'm trying.


Also, LOST is just amazing. I can't believe how many peeps miss out on this show because it is on a network and they are dumbfaces whith their plastic "to cool/smart for TV" standards. Or just refuse to be  interested in something that Other people actually like. Heavens forbid. Huff huff. Really though, It is Art, slipped somehow onto a channel owned by Disney. This last episode would have done Poe and Hitchcock and Tarantino proud all in the same breath. I'm just glad to be a part of it.

High Fives.
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