Aj. (the_cheeseman) wrote,
Aj.
the_cheeseman

The jester stole his thorny crown...

So. i was shanghai-ed into coming and seeing my dad graduate from the fbi national acadamy a full three days earlier. for no other reason than my mom felt like it.

so ive been in washington DC, virginia, and maryland for three days, doing nothing. driving around and sitting in a hotel room.

now i am in the middle of a "12" hour drive home in the back seat of a small car smashed in with my brothers. i could not fly back because of a storm, so the suck has been approved by the universe. we have all the extra luggage on our laps and there is no ac and i dont know. whine whine.

i am now at my tio memo's house in pennslyvania, where we stopped to say hello, and now we are considering staying overnight.

all i want to do is go home. i start school on monday and need to find a job and i feel like shit. i've heard don mclean's American Pie in three states. in one day. the radios stations out here are okay, but they need some variance.

on top of all this my girlfriend has been stressed with me a litte, and busy, and well, i dont know... and i cant stop being a paranoid, whiny, bitch.

so why not hit the livejournal?

i dont know.

i did write most of a short story that i ended up really liking. cant wait to finish it. also, i am readin neil gaiman's Anansi Boys, and it is the most perfect escape ever, in a time when escaping is kind of nice. 
a scene from that book actully inspired another story in my head, and i jotted it down in the small blue notebook i bought so i didnt forget it. thats was cool. it involves funk songs, wasted lives, immoratiality, dancing, and the god Bacchus. can't wait can't wait to write it.

and don't get me wrong, seeing my dad again has been great. and spending time with my family has been a whole bunch of fun, but most of the time it is just that empty, gaping feeling of forced vacations where youre mind has nothing to do but wander and wonder how much you want to be home, and what youre missing, and how much happier people sound with you away. I am very pruod of my dad. He's found a third wind in his Life and went through one of the most difficult things ive ever heard of. it was nice to be at the graduation together. i just wish we didnt have to dawdle for two days beforehand.

also, driving in a police cruiser on maryland mountains in a heavy thunderstorm doesnt do good things to one's system.

i just want to be home.

so i can write write write and find work and go to school and take a hard look at my Life and decide if it needs fixing. 
I sure hope it works out the way it is now. Id like that, really. 

I have decided, (albeit a tad ironic considering my babycry ranting) that i will travel more. To places i Want to go. That I need to go. I can fly for free until I am 23, and I dont want to regret the loss of that privilige based on lack of use.

So this year, I will hit san diego, new york, and london for sure. I am working on a paris trip, and maybe one to toronto.

i will make it work.

Hopefully she'll be there with me. 

Thats really what i want the most i think.

I would just like some control.

ill fight for it. If need be.

hopefully the entry above this will be one of prodigal glee, be written from my bedroom, blooming with the love of my one true, creative production, and all around good vibrations.

hope. hope. hope.

Hope that the things I want (need?) from the world and people will come naturally and from hearts, not from coercion. 

hope.

be seeing you.

My uncle's den smells like a dentist's office. no joke.

that is all.


~sigh~

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